Finding Pride in Salisbury: How B.U. Youth Gives LGBTQ+ Teens a Place to Belong

I recently moved to Salisbury, and although it is rich in history and a magnet for tourists, I quickly noticed a surprising gap in inclusive spaces for the LGBTQ+ community. The support here feels more like a whisper than a shout - as you walk around town, you may notice a discreet sticker in the window of a cafe if you’re lucky, but Pride month went by without a single parade or rainbow-adorned street in sight. 

In most places where I have lived (excluding London), you would usually stumble upon a vibrant queer space and community, which is why I was pleasantly surprised when I discovered B.U. Youth Group. 

Tucked away in the heart of Salisbury, B.U. offers a welcoming and supportive space for young LGBTQ+ people to connect. At the helm of this much-needed group is Sheri Cane, who works closely with her dedicated team, who work tirelessly to help young people build confidence, embrace their authenticity, and remind them they’re not alone - even in a city where rainbows are rarer than sunny weekends.

But B.U. is not just a youth group. It’s a community. A place where young people can laugh, connect and be themselves. 

I first met Sheri at a local festival, where we ended up talking about the lack of LGBTQ+ visibility in Salisbury. Our conversation made one thing clear - this city’s youth were missing out on so much. So I invited her to have a deeper discussion. In this interview, I spoke to Sheri about what inspired her to help launch B.U. the challenges they’ve faced as a team, the joys of supporting LGBTQ+ youth and her hopes for B.U. Youth's future and evolution - both in Salisbury and beyond.

MR: Sheri, can you tell our readers what B.U. is and why it is so special to young people in Salisbury?

SC: So, B.U. was the name chosen by the young members of the group, and it stands for “Be Yourself.” It is the first and only dedicated city council-run youth group for LGBTQIA youngsters aged 16 to 24. It is the first of its kind. It's very special for those reasons in that it's a safe space for people with professionally trained staff on hand, and we encourage creativity, self-understanding and freedom to talk without judgment.

MR: I love that. What drew you personally to this work? 

SC: My role at the city council is Community Development Officer with a particular remit around marginalised and seldom heard voices. The LGBTQ+ community falls within this, and I've worked in the health and social care field for over 21 years, supporting others to achieve their full potential. It's enormously rewarding and sometimes very trying, but always rewarding. 

MR: What does a typical B.U. session look like?

SC: So, we started a focus group, and from those meetings, we established that we need to try to make each session as relaxed and member-led as possible. I attend to deliver anything that the youngsters consider to be a bit dry, but of course, for me, it's admin, and it's necessary, and then I kind of make myself scarce and let the group leaders take over, along with volunteers who then facilitate whatever the youngsters want to do. This can include crafting, board games, pizza sessions, chatting and chilling - having conversations around subjects I know nothing about, like gaming and coding and all the things that young people love to talk about. I think the fact that B.U. is the only space of its kind in the area, other organisations are supportive and inclusive, but for some youngsters, just finding the courage to walk through the door of a mainstream group can feel intimidating.

MR: What are some of the biggest challenges LGBTQ+ youth face in Salisbury right now?

SC: There is a lack of dedicated space, particularly for those aged 16 to 18. These young people can't be in a pub or in a social setting within the community where they can connect, and that's difficult. All of the socially awkward parts of being a teenager apply to the youngsters who attend, whether it's LGBTQ+ related or otherwise. In addition, on a more serious note, there are no GP practices in the city that are willing to provide shared care with private gender clinics. Not even to monitor hormone levels.

MR: Really? Oh my god.

SC:  And the wait for an initial appointment with an NHS practice is now six years. And this has to be improved.

MR: Oh my god. But I know when we met, we were talking about the lack of even social spaces for LGBTQ adults, let alone the youth.

SC: Yeah. It's pretty horrendous.

MR: Which is so surprising because there's so much going on in this county alone.

SC: Yeah. And you don't have to go very far to find it. If you can get on a train or get on a bus and get down to Southampton or Trobridge. If you can go across to a bar, you're going to find your people and venues that are welcoming. But if you haven't got the money for the bus or the train, you're kind of stuck.

MR: Yeah, Salisbury really needs to catch up. I remember when I was living up North, you could find a gay bar even in a tiny village.

SC: Absolutely. I mean, I've worked in the West, so my main hub would be Bristol. I've worked in London. I've been around the Cardiff area, and you're going to find your dedicated space. Even if it's a cafe or a pub but there are no dedicated places like that in Salisbury.

MR: Yeah, there needs to be. Are there any new trends or issues emerging that you think need more urgent attention?

SC: These answers are drawn from conversations I've had with the youngsters and with my group leaders. And there needs to be more attention to the awareness of the challenges that these young people face around mental health, eating disorders, and what we were just talking about, navigating social expectations, in particular with younger children questioning their gender identities. Schools have teams of pastoral staff, whose role is to support and signpost younger children and their families to more specialist support. But it doesn't always mean that the staff within those teams have the answers to difficult questions. And they don't receive specialist training on the subject. And these conversations need to be more prominent, and there needs to be more awareness, both publicly and politically. 

MR: No, I absolutely agree. I mean, my daughter's only two and from before she could even speak, I would use her stuffed animals to teach her about different types of families and people. She has a nonbinary stuffed toy named Fox. And sometimes she'll say stuff like, " I'm a boy”, and instead of correcting her, I just say, "Yeah, okay, you can be a boy” because I don't want her to live in the binary, I want her to always be herself and feel open to do that. I don't put any emphasis on her gender. I don't want her to be raised with gender normative thinking because I don't want her to feel like she can't speak to me about things like that. But then I also read her books. I read her books where there are two daddies or two mommies, single-parent families, so she can see different types of families as well. People need to have these conversations with their kids from a young age, and adults shouldn’t be afraid to talk to kids about this stuff. This content is not “adult,” it is a part of life, and the more we keep othering the LGBTQ+ community and marking them “R-rated,” the harder it is going to be for them. 

SC: Yeah, that's great. That's the world she was born into. And when we did try to run the group for 11 to 15 years, it proved to be very problematic. And I see that from a guardian or a carer's point of view, that is, if your 11-year-old has finished school at 3:00 but there's an LGBT youth group away from school that's on till 5 or 6 - there is some nervousness about them being safe and getting them home. I understand that. And so that did not pan out. But it prompted me to speak to schools about what provisions they have in place at school. And as a separate piece of work, I'm working with four very progressive schools in the area that have members of their EHFA teams who are dedicated to making sure that their space is inclusive and that they are as knowledgeable as they can be in dealing with the youngsters that come to them.

MR:  Amazing. I'd love to know the names of those schools.

SC: Yeah, it is amazing. And they've kind of turned to me, and I never profess to be an expert, but we are on the same page. We're trying to reach out to the same people, so we're combining forces now to make sure that healthy conversations take place.

MR: And I think that's the thing. It's about being open enough to have these conversations and learn and understand because there are so many things that, just LGBTQ people in general go through, that no one else would understand until you have those conversations. It might not be a big deal to you that there are no non-gendered bathrooms available, but to them it's a big deal because going to the bathroom is a big deal when you don't fit in a binary grouping. You know what I mean?

SC: Yeah. Yeah, it really is.

MR: Or if you’re trans and you're forced to join a sports group of the gender you don't identify with, it's huge.

SC: Yeah. And what you're saying is really important. If you work in a school environment in those departments, like PE, you may not necessarily have firsthand experience or knowledge, but it is your role to learn.

MR: Yeah, especially as a teacher, you're there to support, teach and learn, and the first step is saying, "How can I help you?" That's it. What’s the one thing you wish every parent or caregiver knew about supporting LGBTQ+ kids?

SC: I had a conversation with a colleague who is the mother of a trans daughter and who formed part of our focus group when we were getting the group off the ground. And I also spoke to my youth group leaders, and it's essentially the same across the board that no young person wants their question to be put under scrutiny.

MR: Yeah. 

SC: They must be allowed to ask those questions, and they certainly shouldn't be refuted at home. But not all parents know what to say when faced with questions and feelings that they don't understand themselves. I wish that they knew just to listen and to really hear what's being said and sometimes what's not being said. It's important to know that there's an abundance of support online, like Mermaids and Switchboard.

MR: And I think it's important not to be afraid to answer those uncomfortable questions -  where maybe you don't know the answer or you're not ready to answer those questions. But it's just about giving them that space so they feel comfortable enough to say stuff like, I don’t know, um, “How come Danny has two daddies?” Do you know what I mean? It’s as simple as saying every family's different.

SC: Yeah. 

MR: There has been a worldwide attack on the trans community, especially on trans women, with the recent changes in the Equality Act. How do you make sure trans women and girls feel safe, genuinely seen, respected and supported in your group?

SC: The decision to remove the discussion in schools around gender expression has reversed a lot of progress that was being made in supporting children to question and receive vital feedback and information at a crucial stage in their personal development. This is mirrored by the attitudes in workplaces around bathrooms and facilities - the changes are simply regressive. Our group leaders are people with lived experience, and our young members can speak and share their thoughts and feelings with no fear of judgment. This is written into the core values statement of the group, which was put together by the group, and anyone found not respecting those would be asked to leave. 

MR: In your opinion, what areas still need improvement when it comes to services or support for LGBTQ+ youth? What gaps do you see in support for young LGBTQ+ people, especially for trans girls and young women, that you wish more people were fighting for?

SC: I would love to have fem trans youth workers sign up to be part of our group and volunteer or mentor. It's been a mission for me as a cis heterosexual middle-aged woman to eventually step away from the group and assist the group instead. There are members of the leadership team who are members of the LGBTQIA community, and I know that they can ensure the future sustainability of the group and others that might follow.  I just wish that there were more members of the LGBTQ community involved in leadership and in the running of events and groups like this to ensure that it's sustainable. That's where the real gap is -  people within the community running groups for the community.

MR: What kinds of support and resources are currently available for LGBTQ+ young people through the council or local partnerships?

SC: Salisbury City Council, who I work for, fully support my work and the community team as a whole. This includes B.U. and other culturally diverse members of the wider community of Salisbury.  We recently held the city's first large-scale celebration of the ever-expanding diversity of people living in this beautiful city. That said, we are a bit behind compared to larger multicultural cities in the UK, and we've got to start catching up. We need to make accessing those events easier and work more robustly with partner organisations. 

MR: How can local residents, schools, or other organisations better support LGBTQ+ young people and the trans community?

SC: I think we need to make everything more accessible, we need to work more robustly with the organisations that we do work with and residents, firstly to gain traction and then to create momentum because ultimately it's about sustainability in everything that we do. We continuously ask the residents of Salisbury what they want, and they do give us feedback, but most importantly, they need to get involved. So that we do things with them, and then the community owns it - making it a real community effort.

MR: Absolutely! What message would you like to share with young LGBTQ+ people who might be struggling to find support or acceptance?

SC: Complete transparency, I didn't feel at liberty to answer that question myself, but the answer to that comes directly from one of my group leaders with lived experience. And it is to say this, please be reassured that things do get better. Some people have been where you are and felt the way you feel. You will be seen and supported. But it takes perseverance. It will get better.

MR: If you had the resources or influence to make one big positive change for LGBTQ+ youth right now, what would it be?

SC: And again, the answer to this question comes directly from my other group leader. He said, mass support for those seeking medical transition, allowing them to access supportive counselling, networks, and freedom of information, so that those youths can utilise that information to improve their future and feel a sense of hope. Offer your support.

MR: And finally, how can people get involved and help?

SC: Donations are always welcome so that we can expand on what we're doing - pay for venues and events that we can participate in. You can also support us in delivering those events.  Your feedback on what we are doing is always welcome. Respecting that being an LGBTQIA group has not been created to exclude youngsters who are not LGBTQIA. But at such an important time in a young person's life, a dedicated and safe space is the very least that we can provide. 

MR: That's wonderful. Thank you so much. I've got to say I agree with everything that you said, and I think the key is communication. 

SC:  That's really lovely because I know you hovered around the pitch and realised that there was something to be said and invited me to say it, and I really value that, Mary. Thank you. I've looked at the magazine online, and I see how beautifully women-focused it is, and there's so much that can be said. But there are these kinds of corners of the mix, like I say, I am a middle-aged heterosexual woman in a world that I probably have no right to be, but I've been given this position and this remit, and I'm gonna do everything in my power to help.

MR: Absolutely! And if I find that there's something I think people need to know about, I always make it my mission to get it out there.  So when I saw your stand and what you were doing, I was like, I need to get this out there somehow, somewhere. Everyone needs to read this. I really appreciate the work that you are doing. I hope my daughter is able to explore who she is as a person as she grows and spaces like B.U. become readily available, everywhere.