The Messy Truth About Healing While Still Angry
Healing is not all bubble baths and journaling under moonlight. Sometimes, healing is sweaty, loud, and unfiltered. And if you’re anything like me (and many other women out there), you might find yourself doing it all while still utterly, unapologetically angry.
We don’t talk about this enough. The truth is, healing isn’t always a graceful journey. Sometimes, it’s a stomp-your-feet, scream-into-a-pillow, grit-your-teeth-through-therapy type of path. And anger? That’s often right at the centre of it.
The Myth of “Letting Go”
We’re told, constantly, that to heal is to forgive. To move on. To “release the negative energy”. But what if you’re not ready to forgive? What if the anger is still living in your body, wrapped around your ribs like a warning sign that says, I am not done processing this?
The idea that healing requires us to instantly detach from our rage is not only unrealistic - it’s unfair, especially to women. We’re taught to be “nice”, to stay composed, to avoid “making a scene”. So when we do feel anger, especially righteous, justified anger, it’s often met with discomfort or outright dismissal.
Anger Is Not the Enemy
Anger gets a bad rap. But anger is a messenger. It tells us that something isn’t right. That a boundary has been crossed. That something needs to change.
For many women, that anger stems from a lifetime of being silenced, underestimated, or mistreated. It’s the fire that lights up in your chest when you replay a gaslighting conversation. It’s the tension in your jaw when someone minimises your trauma. It’s the thing that propels you to finally say: No more.
To deny that part of the process is to miss something vital. Anger is not the opposite of healing - it can be a catalyst for it.
When Healing and Rage Co-Exist
Here’s the tricky part: healing doesn’t wait for your anger to subside. You might still be furious and taking care of yourself. You might still feel the burn of injustice and show up for your therapy sessions. You might be writing your angry poems, or going for rage-walks, or talking it out with a friend, and slowly piecing yourself back together.
That doesn’t mean you’re failing at healing. It means you’re doing it your way.
Healing while angry might look like:
Saying no and not feeling guilty
Reclaiming your space and voice
Talking back to the voices that told you to shrink
Setting fire to old expectations and calling it liberation
It might be chaotic. It might be loud. It might feel like you’re spiralling some days. But it’s still healing.
You Don’t Owe Anyone a Neat Narrative
People love a clean ending. The kind where you say, “It was hard, but I’ve grown, and now I’m at peace.” And maybe one day you will say that. But if you’re still in the mess, still furious, still figuring it out, you don’t have to wrap it up in a pretty bow for anyone else’s comfort.
Your story is still valid. Your process is still yours.
Final Thought
Healing while angry is still healing. It’s still progress. It’s still worthy. You don’t have to be calm to be whole. You can be a roaring storm and still be moving forward.
So if you’re reading this and feeling like you’re doing it “wrong” because you’re not over it yet, know this: you’re not broken. You’re just healing in real time. Anger and all.
And that is brave as hell.
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Hana Ames is a professional content writer with hundreds of pieces of content under her belt. She is a cat and dog mama, a feminist, and a musical theatre fan, who enjoys cooking, playing board games and drinking cocktails. She has been writing professionally since 2018 and has a degree in English. Her website is www.hrawriting.com and she is always interested in discussing exciting new projects to see how she can help your business grow. Catch her on Twitter @hrawriting, Instagram @hrawriting and Facebook: www.facebook.com/hrawriting
