Why Feminism Needs to Stop Glorifying Suffering

Somewhere along the way, pain became part of the feminist aesthetic.

We see it in the “strong woman” trope who never cries, in the celebration of survival as a badge of honour, in the quiet nods to burnout, breakdowns, and emotional labour as though they’re just part and parcel of womanhood. We post about our traumas with hashtags. We romanticise the struggle. We treat suffering as currency - proof that we’ve earned our place at the table.

But at what cost?

The Cult of the “Strong Woman”

She’s the one who holds everything together. Works full-time. Raises the kids. Looks after her ageing parents. Puts dinner on the table. All while smiling politely and insisting she’s “fine”. She doesn’t ask for help. She never needs a break. She’s basically Beyoncé, but with more mental health issues and less glamour.

And we applaud her. We praise her strength, her endurance, her selflessness. We tell her how inspiring she is.

But deep down, we know the truth: she’s exhausted. And more importantly, she shouldn't have to be all things to all people to be respected.

Struggle ≠ Worth

For far too long, women’s value has been measured by how much they can endure. It’s a hangover from a patriarchal system that romanticised female martyrdom - the long-suffering wife, the self-sacrificing mother, the tireless caregiver. And unfortunately, some of that narrative has slipped into modern feminism.

It shows up in how we talk about hustle culture. How we glorify overwork and burnout as though they’re signs of dedication. How we admire women who survive abusive relationships, poverty, illness, and quietly expect them to turn their pain into teachable moments.

But suffering doesn’t make us stronger. It just makes us tired. And it’s time we said: enough.

Healing, Not Enduring

Feminism should be about liberation, not just from systemic oppression, but from the internalised belief that pain is noble. We deserve softness. We deserve ease. We deserve lives that are rich and fulfilling, not ones that are defined by how well we cope under pressure.

That means moving beyond survival. It means allowing ourselves joy, pleasure, rest. It means normalising therapy, boundaries, and saying no without guilt. It means rejecting the idea that we must earn our right to exist through suffering.

Let’s Stop Clapping for Pain

It’s time to reframe what strength looks like. Not as quiet endurance, but as knowing when to say I need help. Not as pushing through at all costs, but as walking away from what harms us. Not as holding everything in, but as letting ourselves feel, even when it's messy.

Feminism doesn’t need to be painful to be powerful. We can fight for equality without sacrificing our wellbeing. We can share our stories without glorifying our wounds. And we can redefine resilience - not as the ability to survive anything, but the freedom to choose what we no longer want to survive.

Let’s stop applauding suffering. Let’s start making space for softness. For peace. For rest.

Because we deserve more than to just survive. We deserve to thrive.

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Hana Ames is a professional content writer with hundreds of pieces of content under her belt. She is a cat and dog mama, a feminist, and a musical theatre fan, who enjoys cooking, playing board games and drinking cocktails. She has been writing professionally since 2018 and has a degree in English. Her website is www.hrawriting.com and she is always interested in discussing exciting new projects to see how she can help your business grow. Catch her on Twitter @hrawriting, Instagram @hrawriting and Facebook: www.facebook.com/hrawriting