Dating a Recovering Addict? 7 Ways to Nurture Your Relationship With an Addict

Can you have a relationship with a recovering addict? If they are in recovery, then yes – you can. Follow this guide to nurture your romantic relationship after addiction, during addiction, and despite it.

Walk the Line

The fine line between judgment and compassion for addicts is fine indeed. On the one hand, you may be feeling mad at them and like it’s their fault they began using. You might feel they are stupid to continue using, knowing how much damage it caused you. On the other hand, you sympathize with them.

Make sure you are taking care of yourself and setting healthy boundaries. Seeing a loved one struggle with addiction is devastating. You want to be supportive, but it can feel very overwhelming.

Be Supportive

It can be tough to be supportive when you are angry. Try to forgive first. If you can take charge of your emotions and look at the bigger picture – in this case, your partner’s sobriety – it might be easier to move forward. Be supportive without enabling. Enabling your partner when they have an addiction will only make it worse, especially if they are in denial.

Some addicts go back and forth between saying they have a problem and then claiming they have it under control. If they are an addict and are using whatever has them under its spell – their drink or drug of choice – they do not have it under control. The substance most likely has control over the addict. Just be there for them.

Build Trust

Trust is the foundation of a relationship. It can make or break you from the ground up. The bones of your relationship have to be solid. Everything else will fall into place. Once that trust is damaged, which is common in relationships with addiction, it is hard to get back.

It’s not impossible, though. Working together towards a common goal builds a strong connection. If you put in the work and commit to each other, you can conquer anything. Use exercises to build trust with your partner if you need some inspiration.

Don’t Play the Victim

The victim mentality is an easy card to play here and the one that comes most naturally. You feel hurt and manipulated because your partner lied, cheated, or stole to feed their addiction. While it’s natural to feel betrayed, playing the victim to your partner does more harm than good.

Try to identify with what they are going through. Don’t make excuses for them. Your feelings are validated. However, recognize that they are struggling and work together to find a plan to ensure it doesn’t happen again. Things are bound to get a bit messy sometimes when you truly love someone. It’s a long road to recovery, and they most likely already feel alone. Your feelings are justified, but so are theirs.

Communicate Your Feelings

Being an addict is isolating. So is being in a relationship with one. Be open and honest with your partner about how you are feeling without pointing fingers. Try to offer solutions so it doesn’t feel like an attack on them. Offer encouragement and be supportive while also staying true to yourself.

For example, don’t say, “I feel this way and it’s all your fault.” Instead, try something like, “What you did (or didn’t do) made me feel this way. Here’s a way I think we can try to avoid it in the future.” Rethink your expectations.

Look in the Mirror

Turn your attention inward to see what part you might play in your partner’s recovery. Just because you aren’t an addict doesn’t mean you’re a saint. There are three sides to every story, and situations usually aren’t black and white. It’s unrealistic to think that nothing is even a little bit your fault.

Identifying faults in your behavior is vital for achieving meaningful change. Be brave enough to look in the mirror and make changes to better yourself. That way, you’ll be more equipped to help someone else.

Take Action

The stigma around rehabilitation and therapy is long gone. There’s no shame in getting the help you need. It’s actually applauded. You don’t want to sit idly by and watch someone you love suffer in silence – or suffer, yourself. Misery loves company, but joining misery just compounds it.

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Beth, the Managing Editor and content manager at Body+Mind, is well-respected in the mental health, nutrition and fitness spaces. In her spare time, Beth enjoys cooking and going for runs with her dog.