Is it taboo to ask your partner to wear a condom during sex?

Condoms are affordable (sometimes free), highly effective at preventing STDs and pregnancy, and, most importantly, don’t come with any of the frustrating side effects of hormonal contraception. From this description, you’d think that every sexually active individual would be using condoms and be shouting their love for them from the rooftops.

However, research from the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behaviour found that only 53.1% of men aged 25-29 reported using a condom during their most recent vaginal intercourse with a casual partner. 

This statistic will hardly be a shock to women who sleep with men. Women know all too well about the ‘taboo’ around asking men to wear condoms.

“It doesn’t feel as good.”

“It ruins the mood.”

“I won’t be able to come with a condom.”

“Aren’t you on the pill? What’s the point then?”

“I’ll just pull out, promise.”

Whether single or in relationships, many women are shamed for insisting their partner wears a condom. Women are made to feel as if their want to protect themselves from disease or pregnancy is less important than men’s pleasure. Too many men are continually putting their desires over the health of their partners, and quite frankly, it’s disgusting.

Everyone will have their opinion on how sex feels with a condom versus without a condom. Some women don’t like how it feels, others can’t feel the difference. Some men may be thankful that using a condom decreases sensitivity and thus helps them last longer in bed. Some men may prefer sex without a condom, but will not pressure their partner to not use them. Some men hate them.

These opinions are all fine, and valid. It’s when these opinions are used to shame women into unsafe sex, or into using another form of contraception, that the problem arises. Men should not have the right to police or govern women’s bodies - and refusing to wear a condom is just another example of (some) men’s obsession with telling women what they can and can’t do with their bodies.

Here are five reasons why it should not be taboo to ask a man to wear a condom during sex 

It’s safe

Aside from female condoms (and let’s face it, these aren’t exactly mainstream), male condoms are pretty much the only way to protect yourself against a sexually transmitted infection. The pill, or any other form of hormonal contraception, will not protect either party from catching an STD. Whilst most STDs are easily treatable, they’re hardly pleasant, and if untreated can lead to infertility, pelvic inflammatory disease, and even cervical cancer. Leaning into the bedside drawer for a condom may ‘ruin the mood’ for a minute, but nothing quite ruins the mood like a Chlyamidia diagnosis.

Pregnancy

The obvious one. If used correctly, condoms are 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. Compare that to the pull-out method with a 78% efficacy rate and the winner is clear. Men might not be as concerned by pregnancy risks as women, but it takes two to tango, and men hould be no less concerned about the potential consequences of sex than their partners. It is unfair for women to be the only ones responsible for the outcomes of sex. The contraceptive pill does also prevent pregnancy, but...

Hormonal contraceptives aren’t for everyone

Mood swings. Nausea. Migraines. Acne. Weight gain. Decreased sex drive. Constipation. Depression. Irregular bleeding. Vaginal infections. Hair loss. Cysts. Fatigue. Oh, and let’s not forget the blood clot risk of the combined contraceptive pill. One can only imagine the pushback from men if they were pressured to take a pill like this.

 Of course, there’s the copper coil for women which is non-hormonal and prevents pregnancy, but this can cause bad uterine pain and heavy, prolonged bleeding. Not ideal.

Vaginal infections

Vaginal infections such as bacterial vaginosis and thrush can be triggered by an upset to the acidic pH of the vagina. When the acidic environment of the vagina is disturbed with an alkaline substance, the good bacteria that keep the vagina clean and healthy begin to die. This allows ‘bad’ bacteria and yeast to grow, causing infections. Semen has an alkaline p.h. of 7-8. Hence, for some women, sex without a condom disturbs pH balance resulting in the need for treatment for either BV or thrush. Both of these infections can be incredibly painful and uncomfortable.

Less mess

On a less serious note, condoms prevent messy bedsheets, an awkward hip-hop to the toilet after sex, and less sticky skin. A win-win for everyone.

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Asking to use a condom during sex should not be ‘taboo’. They are an easy way to practice safe sex, and any partner, whether long-term or casual, who does not understand this does not deserve to have sex with you. 

Women’s health should always be prioritised over men’s pleasure. End of.