Candid Conversations on Sexual Wellness with SheSpot Founders Holly & Kalila
When we think of wellness we tend to focus on our physical and mental health, often forgetting about our sexual wellness. We spend a lot of money on products that maintain our physical appearance - buying the latest beauty and hair trends as well as going to the gym. We also invest in our mental health by seeing a therapist, journaling or meditating to help ease our anxieties, so why don’t we give the same energy to our sexual wellness?
Sexual wellness is about having the confidence in your own sexuality and being comfortable enough to express it, be it alone in the bathtub or with a partner (or two) and using that confidence to ensure you are getting what you need emotionally and physically because it is important to ask the important questions.
Holly and Kalila founded SheSpot in 2021 and with their carefully curated sexual wellness products they encourage women to take ownership of their sexuality and normalise conversations about women's pleasure.
I had the pleasure of interviewing both Holly and Kalila about SheSpot and the importance of using lube, finding the right vibrator and the disheartening double standards of social media.
MR: How was SheSpot created? What was its inspiration?
K: SheSpot was born out of frustration with the status quo when it came to shopping for pleasure. From looking over your shoulder as you enter a sex shop, to anxiously scrolling through intimidating products online, something had to change.
We created SheSpot to transform the shopping experience for women. We wanted to build an environment where shopping for pleasure was no longer shrouded in shame, but instead empowering, accessible and actually enjoyable!
We started building the platform in 2021, capitalising on the incredible surge in quality sexual wellness brands entering the market at the time. Many of these up-and-coming brands were female-founded, designing quality products for women’s unique needs (rather than the male gaze!).
Sadly though, these new independent brands all experienced the same issue: no one could find them! Ad restrictions and societal taboos really limit the exposure of sexual wellness brands, especially for women. A central focus for SheSpot from the start therefore has been to showcase and bring together the very best products on the market - connecting curious consumers to the huge diversity of pleasure products now available.
MR: You offer an array of products for your subscription boxes, how do you decide what products meet the SheSpot standard?
H: At SheSpot, our commitment to quality and safety is what fuels our mission. We have been shocked by the lack of regulation in the sexual wellness space, which results in many mainstream products containing non-body-safe materials and ingredients that are not mindful of women’s bodies.
Frustrated by our own past experiences with low-quality products, we're dedicated to championing high-quality brands that are designed for women. We’re developing our SheSpot Approved accreditation to support this, which assesses products against our core pillars: Safety, Spec and Soul.
MR: What are your go-to SheSpot products and why?
H: We're passionate advocates of lube! Its benefits are truly game-changers, and we wish it had been more normalised when we were growing up. Many people still hesitate to embrace lube, thinking they should only use it if they “need it” which is a conversation we’d like to change. We always recommend people use lube during sex or solo play as it really is the perfect partner in heightening pleasure. Water-based lube is our go-to and we love YES Water-based Lubricant for its silky texture and Luviss Lubricant for its luxury bottle and packaging!
MR: Vibrators can be quite intimidating to novices, there are so many different types. How do you know which one will be right for you?
H: Absolutely, choosing the right vibrator can be overwhelming for newcomers. To find the right fit, start by considering the type of stimulation you prefer – internal (g-spot) or external (clitoral). If you're not sure, a versatile option like a compact G-Spot Bullet Vibrator can be a great starting point. It’s also worth considering whether you’ll be using the vibrator alone or with a partner (or a mix of both!) as this can impact the type of vibrator you choose.
We always recommend opting for a rechargeable vibrator rather than a battery-operated toy (better for you, and for the planet!) as well as a waterproof vibe as this allows you to explore play in the bath or shower.
Experiment with different intensities and patterns to discover what suits you best. Reading reviews and seeking recommendations can also be valuable. Remember, it's a personal journey, and there's no one-size-fits-all answer, so take your time to explore and find what feels most comfortable and pleasurable for you.
MR: Congratulations on your partnership with Sephora, that's so exciting! If Sephora sold wine, they really would be a one-stop shop for self-care days. Are there any plans for a Sephora / SheSpot subscription box?
K: No comment! :)
MR: HA! Well, I’m putting it out there in hopes of manifesting it for you and Holly.
Honestly, this partnership is huge. As you yourselves stated, this is a step in the right direction towards integrating sexual wellness into a wider lifestyle category. Do you think this will encourage more retailers to consider sexual wellness a necessity rather than a perverse or niche issue?
H: We certainly hope so! It’s been encouraging to see more mainstream retailers in the UK dip their toes into this space which is a huge step forward. Seeing sexual wellness products on the shelves alongside beauty, health & wellness, and even grocery products really helps normalise the category and embed it as a necessity. I think retailers are increasingly picking up on the fact that there’s a growing consumer demand for these products and their attitudes towards the sexual wellness category are shifting.
MR: Sexual wellness is so important, I think it is so important for women to understand their bodies and be able to talk to their partners about sex confidently. How can we ensure we prioritise our pleasure? Do you have specific tools at SheSpot that can help us along?
K: We believe it’s so important to know yourself before you can truly communicate your needs and desires with a partner. Exploring solo play in a way that feels right for you is key to this and will look different for everyone. Maybe it’s investing in a sex toy or perhaps it’s simply lighting a candle, running a bath and exploring your body in your own time and space. Noticing what feels good and how your body responds to different stimulation is incredibly empowering, and when you improve your understanding of your own pleasure, your sexual confidence will undoubtedly blossom!
MR: Your ethos is to make sex more of a discovery of pleasure for women, what advice would you give to women who are starting their exploration into self-pleasure?
K: For those that need to hear it: self-pleasure is normal! We know that exploring pleasure can feel intimidating and that societal taboos still make many feel apprehensive, but it really is an empowering form of self-care and you shouldn’t feel any shame in exploring your desires.
In terms of getting started - stay in your comfort zone! Maybe start by investing in a simple pebble vibrator (that could easily pass as a beauty blender if found!). We primarily sell toys that are waterproof which allow them to be taken into the shower - this could be a great way to experiment without any fear of someone hearing or walking in.
The great thing about self-pleasure is that there are really no rules. Don’t be afraid to explore things like toys, lubes and audio erotica - if something doesn’t work for you that’s ok - this knowledge is just as valuable! Happy experimenting!
MR: Unfortunately, Our bodies are seen as secondary and often forgotten about or seen as less important in medicine, science and sex. In schools, we are taught about sex from a male perspective, and our bodies are often used as tools for male pleasure. How can we empower young women to take agency in their pleasure when they’re constantly being told otherwise?
K: This was one of the driving factors in creating SheSpot. Sex education in schools and beyond is truly woeful and totally ignores women’s experience of pleasure and sexuality. At a macro level - policy around education needs to be totally reformed and we’d love to see big tech companies finally ditch their archaic censorship of sex-positive content and advertisements. Hiding away sex and pleasure further entrenches the taboo in society, which ultimately leaves women more vulnerable and less empowered to understand and enforce their boundaries.
In terms of what you can do on a day-to-day level - keep the discussion going! We can’t tell you how positive it can be to speak openly about sex and pleasure - sometimes social confirmation can really give other women the confidence and legitimacy to take the next step in owning their pleasure. It’s not always easy, but if you feel comfortable speaking out - please do (we think you’ll be pleasantly surprised how many women will want to join the conversation!).
MR: I totally agree, people have this fear of pleasure and will always try and censure those who are open about it. I remember keeping my condoms in a cute jar on my bedside table and my roommates made fun of me for having them out in the open. You shouldn’t be shamed for enjoying sex, especially safe sex. I think it stems from the patriarchal system that has bled into all of our lives and it subconsciously dictates what is perceived right and wrong from a male gaze. i.e. women shouldn’t openly show their sexuality.
Also, the algorithm used by these online platforms makes no sense because celebs can post pics where they are practically naked but an image from a sex-positive account showing less skin gets pulled up for “violating their nudity rules,” it doesn’t make sense. But I am so thankful for those accounts and businesses like yours that are pushing the boundaries and putting women first because it’s about damn time.
K: You'll have no problem getting viagra or 'macho' products through, but we have had lubricant ads rejected (which I would argue is a pretty essential sexual health product!).
MR: Growing up watching shows like Sex and the City and Queer as Folk really helped demystify sex and sexuality for me, what made sex less of a taboo for you?
K: Each other! We feel very lucky to have had one another as a best friend since the first year of university. Holly and I have always had a really open friendship, sharing the ups and downs of experiences and relationships which made sex feel totally normal. We know we’re lucky to have this in a friendship, and that it’s not the same for everyone. At SheSpot we like to think we can offer a ‘best friend’ experience when it comes to pleasure: being able to learn, share and feel heard in a safe, accessible setting.
MR: With your busy schedules, how do you ensure you make time for your own sexual wellness?
K: Product testing sex toys is a hard job but someone's gotta do it…right?!
MR: HA! Well, let us know if you ever need extra testers.
K: In all seriousness, making time for our own sexual wellness is something we really try to prioritise. It’s crucial we speak with authenticity when we share guidance and recommend brands, so we always make time to incorporate sexual wellness into our day-to-day routine.
Other than being part of our business, making time for pleasure and intimate care has become a vital part of our well-being and stress management practices! This doesn't mean we’re reaching for the vibrator every lunch break (although this is encouraged!), it can also mean supporting hormonal balance, looking after our intimate health or just taking some time to relax!
MR: It’s so important to take time for yourself, I remember after I had my daughter I had to reconnect with my body again, for 10 months you’re made to feel like a passenger in your own body so it’s so important to find that connection again.
What's next for SheSpot?
K: We’re on a mission to transform the way women shop for pleasure, and we hope to do this on a global scale - stay tuned…!
Expect a growing selection of the very best SexTech and intimate care products, alongside even richer guidance to support women in navigating this exciting space.
MR: Name three things you can’t do without.
K: My lovely co-founder - so much love and respect for Holly - doing this business together and sharing the highs and lows is invaluable!
‘Do not disturb’ mode - probably the best iPhone feature - running your own business is all-consuming at times so it’s important to disconnect from screens when possible and reset my brain for the next challenge!
Charger - because there’s nothing quite as sad as a vibrator without charge…
The lack of knowledge about the female body is shocking, with most of the research focused on the male body. Our pain and our issues are dismissed by the healthcare system - we are told our bodies are "too complicated" as our health conditions remain elusive or misdiagnosed. Women have been ignored in every aspect of life. Despite being treated like second-class citizens and our bodies being used as props for the male gaze, people like Dr Natalie Getreu (COO) and her sister Deirdre O'Neill (CCO) say enough is enough. Hertility was born out of necessity, helping us take back control of our health.