Let’s talk about micro-aggressions

To be honest I am black, but I had never heard the term micro-aggression until the BLM – Black Lives Matter movement burst onto the scene again, during the horrendous killing of George Floyd in America. In fact, I had no idea just how bad racism is until the accounts, stories, comments and happenings which emerged due to this cold, callous killing of a black man by a white police officer in broad daylight for all to see was publicised.

The term micro aggression is used in psychology and is defined as ‘...indirect, often unintentional expressions of racism, sexism, ageism and ableism...’

I think back to 1968 when I first came to Britain, we lived in Bristol for a year and people always wanted to touch our hair and, believe it or not, the occasional person wanted to know what colour blood we had! I think I just thought that was weird because I didn’t wonder what colour blood they had being a different colour to me! As to the hair touching, I don’t remember taking it to heart, but again wondered why I didn’t have the urge to touch their hair!

Later at boarding school in Gt Malvern, Worcestershire, a matron commented that I should be quiet after lights out, because I was no longer in the jungle! I innocently wondered why she would say that when I wasn’t from the jungle.

That’s the point - because obviously she did not really think I was from the jungle, otherwise how would I be able to function in such a different environment? So it was a mean put down, the exact point of a micro aggression. ‘This is how micro-aggressions play a traumatic part in everyday racism,’says Nicole Vassell in her article published in the Independent. ‘Racism can be subtle and insidious.’

I believe these micro-aggressions come in different forms and levels, some more aggressive than others. How you take these put downs would also depend on your self esteem I gather. Plus what the comment is connected to I guess. For instance say work, this could potentially have a great effect because work is where most spend a huge part of their lives. Work is usually also tied in with our futures, achieving, promotion, more pay. So here, these comments would hit hard because undermining would stop you progressing, achieving etc.

As I grew up, I realised how bad what that matron said was. But anyway no one liked her and she looked like a classic broomstick witch with a protruding chin, caused by her not wearing her dentures apparently, haha!

The worst micro aggression I have heard of, but luckily not encountered, is ‘You are pretty for a black girl!’ Wow, this one is awful and truly derogatory! I don’t know how anyone would dare and it says it all. Black people are ugly, look like monkeys I suppose! Oh and all look the same too!

I get the ‘..you speak so well..’ micro-aggression a lot or ‘You speak posh!’ or ‘You speak the Queen’s English.’ Not sure how I feel about that, but to some degree once you realise there is racism some things are not surprising. That some white people would be amazed, maybe even irritated, that I speak better than them doesn’t really shock me. I see people do double takes occasionally because they cannot believe the voice which came out of the person they just saw! For me I just speak like I speak and I’m glad I speak well. I don’t think I sound like the Queen but each to their own right?

No one should see this MA issue as a light matter though, which causes no harm or damage. Dr Samantha Rennals says “Long-term exposure to micro aggressions has been associated with symptoms of depression and anxiety, possibly due to the impact that they have on self-esteem......” Nicole Vassell further describes it as ‘Like death by a thousand cuts.’

When I was unfairly evicted from my beloved home of 19 years due to drug taking neighbours above who made my life a living hell due to their fumes entering my flat and affecting my health; they gave me a respiratory condition. Micro-aggressions were used by the authorities and the perpetrators to demean me, make me vulnerable and turn me into the perpetrator so they could evict me. References were made to aggression, my strength etc.

As if I was the problem, there was no aggression, just a very assertive request over and over for something to be done during a nine year period to help me. Especially in view of evidence and clues in abundance. Besides, to be trapped in a corner like this, (being poisoned day and night) in spite of evidence for so long might very well cause some kind of outburst, aggression from any long-term suffering human being.

All concerned wished me to lose it, that was clear, it would then be easy to get rid of me, do me for assault. But I did not luckily in spite of taunts and plans by the perpetrators to drive me round the bend, while the authorities ignored my complaints and pleas for help!

However even though I held it together, they still made it seem like I lost it because that was the evil plan. I was the one harassing said neighbours. The perpetrators and authorities alluding to strength and aggression?! What has my strength got to do with anything? But it’s the message such connotations send out that is key, the perception given to others of ‘an aggressive black woman,’ therefore others are the ones in danger! So scary a few words can do this!?

On the other hand, I had to be really strong to deal with all of that but then that is seen as a negative too when you are black, remember ‘being uppity’ in the case of Meghan Markle? So you can’t win whichever way they play it. Either way, the blame is shifted and you are conveniently turned into the aggressor. Therefore these so called micro-aggressions can actually ruin lives and do all the time.

Micro-aggressions are a psychological term and can be seen as passive aggressive racism literally and just as potentially damaging as overt racism. Think insidious and subtle. It is easier to utter some covert put down than to insult a person directly to their face! It is easier to throw someone under the bus sneakily, passively, behind their back than openly to their face. It is easier to put someone down by confusing them rather than to be upright and honest. But said passive aggression can happen not just in racism as I have concentrated on but also the other ‘...isms,’ ageism, sexism and others.