How to Communicate Your Needs in a Relationship as a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP)
Overwhelm is a common state for many highly sensitive people (HSPs). They are usually increasingly stimulated by their environments, individuals and emotions. As such, learning how to communicate as an HSP is difficult, especially when expressing their needs with a partner.
Highly sensitive people are just as worthy of love as anyone else, and speaking up about what they want and need will only strengthen their relationship in the long run. Let's look at what sets HSPs apart from others and how they can break the ice with their partner.
Are You a Highly Sensitive Person?
Clinical research psychologist Elaine Aron — who defined HSPs — says 15% to 20% of the population is highly sensitive. Highly sensitive people typically exhibit the following traits:
High level of information processing, including empathy, compassion toward others and an active imagination
More intense positive and negative emotions
Low tolerance for high sensory experiences, such as flashing lights, a loud and crowded room or physical pain
High perceptiveness and intuition, with an ability to read the room quickly
Heightened processing results in overstimulation and exhaustion
There is beauty in being an HSP — but without careful attention and care for one's emotional and physical overloads, HSPs could be more susceptible to depression, stress and anxiety.
HSPs in Relationships
Dating presents different types of challenges for HSPs. Simple gestures like hand-holding could elicit intense physical sensations, including pain and discomfort.
Some HSPs have a hard time going on dates, where certain activities leave them feeling drained. One area both parties might struggle with — for different reasons — is drawing a line between showing affection and giving each other alone time.
An HSP will need more breathing room in the relationship than the other person, who may want to spend more time with their HSP partner. These differences may lead to tension or conflict.
Finding balance and a partner who understands and appreciates an HSP's rich inner world is critical to a successful relationship. Learning how to communicate as an HSP will make living with and loving these traits easier.
5 Tips for HSPs to Communicate With Their Partner
For all the advantages of being an HSP in a loud, chaotic world, relationships can be tricky. Nevertheless, HSPs who can talk to their partners about what they want have the most long-term success. Here are five ways HSPs can communicate their needs to a loved one.
Understand Your Needs
Before you communicate with your partner, you must know your needs and expectations. Write down what is and isn't working for you as your relationship stands and what changes will help make things improve.
It would help if you were specific here. Your partner will only understand what they must do to meet your needs if you communicate it to them. Rather than tell them, "I need more quiet time or alone time," say, "I would still like to spend some time with you after a night out. Can we sit quietly together while I recharge my batteries?"
Soothe Yourself
Communicating your needs with your partner as an HSP could leave you feeling more stressed than usual. Finding ways to rest and restore beforehand can aid a calmer interaction. To set the mood, soothing activities can be done alone or with your partner.
Why not go for a walk in nature? Aside from inducing a more peaceful state of mind, nature can clear your thoughts and encourage new perspectives and solutions to problems.
Even acupuncture can alleviate the sense of foreboding in communicating your relationship needs. Acupuncture taps into the sympathetic nervous system. The brain then releases endorphins to relieve the pain and stress the HSP might feel.
Stand Up for Your Needs
Conflict is an uncomfortable position for highly sensitive people. They will often appease their partner's feelings to avoid tension. When this happens, an HSP may have their needs overlooked and not given the attention they deserve.
You should be assertive when telling a partner your expectations of the relationship. However, assertiveness doesn't mean being rude or conflictual when having your say. It is a matter of standing up for yourself in a respectful manner.
Stay Positive
Learning how to communicate as an HSP comes down to positivity. How can you underscore the need for change from your partner positively?
No one likes to receive blame for anything wrong, and saying "we need to talk" could have negative connotations.
Use "I" statements to make your request less accusatory and present solutions you can work on together. Even expressing your needs to a partner is a two-person effort in making your relationship work.
Learn to Compromise
Highly sensitive people have difficulty giving up control — a defence mechanism for managing stimuli and uncomfortable situations. They also believe things must be perfect for them to feel happiness.
However, compromising is a critical part of successful communication in relationships. Your partner may not be able to meet every expectation you have for them.
For example, HSPs may feel they've sacrificed simplicity and calm for comparisons and other pressures when they let others into their space. Yet, your partner may want less alone time than you do. Learning how to be flexible with your time spent alone and together makes it possible to find a happy medium.
A Healthier Relationship Starts With Communication
Whether you are an HSP or not, communication is always the foundation of every thriving relationship. It is all the more important to communicate your needs with a partner if you're an HSP to ensure each of you finds a healthy balance for long-term success.
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Beth, the Managing Editor and content manager at Body+Mind, is well-respected in the mental health, nutrition and fitness spaces. In her spare time, Beth enjoys cooking and going for runs with her dog.
