Bullying in the workplace is not ok. Here is what you need to do to fight back
If you have never been bullied in the workplace, then you could be forgiven for thinking that it is a practice left in the playground. Sadly, this isn’t the case. Unlike the schoolyard, workplace bullying is more secretive and conniving.
These bullies are adults and have a full understanding of the damage they are causing, yet they carry on. Unlike the playground, there is no teacher to complain to, in fact, most adults feel ashamed and keep it a secret - which leads to the bully getting away with it and their feeling of power increasing.
Many people will say just get another job. But sometimes that isn’t an option. Maybe you like the job you already have or you don’t want to move - and, why should you? No one deserves to fear going to work.
Bullying causes panic attacks, an increase in depression, anxiety, and eating disorders to name just a few consequences. The bully might make you feel like it is your fault, if they are a manager they might even throw a performance review at you to try to justify their actions. Bullies thrive on the victim staying quiet, as soon as you speak out, they lose their power.
Keep fighting back. Every action you take, no matter how small, takes away some of their power.
As hard as it is, the first step is to speak out. Talk to someone higher up, if the person bullying you is the person above you then talk to the HR team or another manager.
Bullies can make us feel weak and powerless, so at this point having someone else in your corner will help. Tell them everything that has happened, then follow up with an email to them, again, covering everything you told them.
This email trail could come in handy in the future. It is always tempting to not send one, but you can’t rely on verbal communication if the case goes before higher management or an employment tribunal.
Talk to them directly - you don’t have to do it alone.
You can try talking directly to the bully and tell them how you feel. Make it clear that you will not tolerate it but that going forward you don’t want it to affect your job or your relationship with them. It might be that they didn’t realise the damage they were doing, for example, if they are making inappropriate comments and not realising the hurt.
If you are worried about speaking out to them on your own, you can invite another person or a HR representative to join the meeting as an observer. Again, follow up with an email to all the people in the room covering what was discussed. With each email trail, you write, you are taking away some of the bully’s power because they know their secret is out.
If the issue isn’t resolved or you still feel under threat from the bully, take it higher up or get ACAS involved. ACAS is a Government scheme that employees can call for advice about their employment, including bullying and intimidation.
At this stage, the issue is either resolved or the bully will be determined to make you quit. At this stage, it will get harder before it gets better. They might try to undermine your confidence and make you feel powerless.
The bully might make you feel worthless but you are not. Take some time to get your mental health back on track.
If you are struggling, call The Samaritans. They offer a free listening service and sometimes talking to someone who doesn’t know you can help get things off your chest and put things into perspective.
If the bullying leads to you feeling suicidal then book an appointment with your GP or call the Samaritans helpline.
There is no shame in feeling this way. Reach out for support because you deserve to be happy and to go to work and live without the fear of being bullied.
